Angela

"When we humble ourselves, we choose the place of least honor and allow God to call us to any role of servant hood He might desire." Erwin McManus, Uprising

A few years ago, I had a revelation. We were living in Lakeland, Florida and I truly believed that once we moved down there I was instantly going to find my nit ch and place of ministry, and oh, it was going to be glorious. We had been there a while and all though I was getting involved, I felt displaced and frustrated. Why had I moved away from everything I knew to a place where I wasn't being used and where everything that I was striving for got taken away?! I felt like I was struggling in my spirit...One evening, a small group of us were meeting to pray and worship, and the worship was so intimate and the presence of God was just there and I started pouring out my heart out to God and begging Him to speak to me, anything... I felt desperate and so terribly lost.

A young man stood up and began to talk...and what he said has stuck with me, and often times when I'm feeling frustrated or impatient I remind myself of his words...He said, We all anticipate a life of ministry, we all want to be used to do great things for the kingdom, but what if he took it all away, our callings, passions and dreams... no one talks about the unglorified work of the servant, the toilet cleaner...for some reason no one gets "called" to that job. If he took it all away, would we still worship him? would we still live with the same passion?

This struck a chord in me, I was called into the mission's field when I was nine, I have prepped my life for ministry, I feel like I will die If God doesn't allow me to do His will....What?!? can you be serious? God is this what you're saying to me? I went home that night and cried my eyes out, I called my mom and exclaimed what if he never uses me, the way I thought He would? All though this may seem rather dramatic, I was nineteen and had just moved across the country, because God told me to do so. I was so sure of my destiny that the thought that He could really take it all away, completely messed me up. Through all of this, I realized that Its not about me, I am only a servant and no matter what God does with my life, I will remain His. To this day I am on a very crazy, wild and unsure road, I have no idea the plans God has for me, I am more open these days and my spirituality does not rest on whether or not I have a platform for ministry, I simply feel blessed just to sit at His feet and wait on His timing. I still am a dreamer, that will never die, and I all though I feel impatient with this season of my life, I know that I am being prepared for the next....this was written raw, sorry if its all over the place ;)


" It seems hard for us to believe, but God is not impressed with talent nearly as much as He is with character." Erwin McManus