I've tried to map out my life in years...stringing events together like a beaded necklace, perfectly ordered and placed. Only to find myself discouraged, at the unexpectedness of my life's events. I know full well that life is less than perfect, full of trials, but holds great joy. Although I have a great love of spontaneity, deep down I often wonder about the details, giving into worrying about the future. Enough of this...here comes the good part.
This past week Joe and I were driving home from my parents, it's a two hour drive. Joe was experiencing more pain than normal this day. As a twenty four year old wife, it has been hard to see my very young and healthy husband experience a terrible, unknown pain for the past few months, let alone scary.
My heart was hurting, over the past few months I have prayed for peace and healing. I felt little peace this day, not knowing an outcome weighs on you. As I stared ahead my mind full, a Pennsylvania car switched lanes in front of us, the back of the license plate read, JEREMIAH2911. This has always been a favorite verse of mine and is my husband's favorite passage. I am not a claimed super spiritual person, but even I could recognize God's intentions ;)...I quoted the verse to myself over and over again. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Today as Joe went into the hospital for another sonogram, I believed that God has plans for us...plans for the future. The not knowing, can be such a wonderful freeing feeling or the worst feeling we can imagine. I love the not knowing at times, the adventure and thrill. Other times the not knowing is the hardest, most emotionally draining, bearing down feeling we face.
In our not knowing, I'm holding tight to a promised hope and future...believing that it will be beautiful.
Angela
5 comments:
It will be! So beautifully and truthfully written!
Angela, I don't claim to have the answers, but I can tell you that I have little if any control over most of my life. God has been steering our family for quite some time and though there are times that we don't quite like the direction we are headed and often question why, I can offer no complaints when you think that Arianna will be 18 in a few days and has touched thousands of lives in the process.
Bill
Angela, the title of this post grabbed me as I have been thinking a lot lately about the blessings and hardships of uncertainty. I haven't blatantly written about my illness on my blog, more of the God I am experiencing in the midst of it all, but could relate to much to your words and had no idea your husband was also dealing with unknown pain. After a series of events and breakdowns, I am finally in a place where I believe God wants me to start sharing some of my story and my journey of living in physical pain for what will be two years in March, after literally hundreds and tests and still no diagnosis. I recently just told a friend that someone stole the title of the book I feel God has put on my heart to (one day possibly write if I ever get the courage); I just got the title the other day in our staff meeting when we were talking about something completely unrelated but my mind was wandering: I am sick, but I AM well. Experiencing God as good even when life isn't.
Now the problem is that someone ELSE wrote a book with that tagline, actually a book that has been huge for me in the journey, Matt Rogers' "When Answers Aren't Enough: Experiencing God as good even when life isn't." but maybe I can contact him and work something out because those words have captured the whole ofmy experiences, and mostly that despite how crazy it can seem, through it all God has shown me it is possible to have peace even with so many unknowns, even in the midst of uncertainty, a peace that you wrote about and is all over this post that I could totally GET and UNDERSTAND because it is truly a peace that He gives us that passes understanding.
I just had a few breakdowns over the weekend and I am slowly trying to come out of my comfort zone and share more about my medical condition as well as what has been happening with me and God thru it all. Can SO relate to the thing about being you, there are so many times when I can feel bad my husband has a wife who is 27, but in very many aspects, he is very much dealing with someone with physical challenges and limitations and pain much like you would expect a spouse to go thru when they start to age. It can feel so surreal sometimes for him or for me because I am young and was once healthy and active, etc.
Anyway, this is turning out about as long as my blog posts, but I just happpened to scroll down my blog and your post caught my eye and I just had to read it and it made me feel less alone though my heart aches for you guys as well and I will be praying for you all and for his physical pain and symptoms as well. Bless you my beautiful sister!!
Thanks again for this post, you have no idea how much your words inspire and encourage me, you are beautiful, Angela!!
Mags, you're such an encouragement and a blessing. So many times God has used you through your blog to speak a simple truth or revelation to me...I have read many of your blogs out loud to Joe. I can't imagine how rough the journey is you've been on for these past two years, you've wrote with such a grace allowing God to continue to pour through you. God has given you such a gift ... You need to write that book! But seriously, you need too! A few months ago I read "1000 gifts" by Ann Voskamp, this book has changed my life. Finding peace and thankfulness in the midst of everything life offers has never been so real to me or applicable in my own life. Focusing on the daily ways that God chooses to encourage or bless me has helped tremendously in finding a constant fufillment in my gratitude towards Him, if that makes any sense. All of this came at such a terrible time, i am praying that a God birthed dream will still come to pass, that has been the hardest part. I am praying for you and your husband, you're on my heart. I will pray about the book too, it needs to be written. Mags, I am so encouraged by you, be blessed girl <3
This was written on my IPad sorry if it's hard to follow :)
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